l'air de rien
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20 September 2023
collateral estoppal
16 September 2023
The darkroom
I was thinking about this last night because it had been floating around my unconscious ever since. Indeed my mind sometimes feels like the space a bit above earth, the layer littered with all sorts of metallic and rubbery old things, new things too, the spacey garbage, and all sorts of broken communication systems that still hurl through the blackness at 7 meters a second.
This is from the other night when I returned to the scene of the crime after an almost seven week hiatus due to COVID which I have already recounted in these lost pages. I made two, but I really thought the first one was so boring that I don't know if I will have the courage to put up the second one until I get to the end of this post. (?) But in this one, I thought maybe it's so so, no so great, but OK. But the really great thing is that I didn't expect anything from the other night. I went out without expectations, and this is progress. I exercised my favourite slogan from the Zen wise guys in the East who always said:
"I'm already dead, so what's the problem?"
I often say this to my French tennis partner who is always better than me and always takes the sets no matter what my lead.
I say it's progress because I had no expectations of myself. It was just like Let It Be, as they sang.
Besides I think expectations are for youth, the older one gets the less expectations one has, mostly.
What I really wanted to say is a bit complicated but I'll give it a go.
In every every stage of progress in my Painting, (or anything in fact), I've always seen a solution (i.e. a painting) from the present moment. And this is normal, it's how most people operate. But I can also see that this perception of where I am at in this particular moment of time, to be set in concrete, unyielding and forever. In other words, I cannot seem to imagine that in a few month's time my perception will be newer, different, a more evolved version of what I perceive today. I cannot envision my future work with a different, more evolved understanding. It's difficult to articulate.
For example, a friend with a back ailment called me the other night and I asked her how it felt today over the last few weeks. She had been sharing about it to me for six months and I had been trying to coach her into a mindset that her pain would ease and improve in time. She admitted it was a little better, so I said (from my own experience with a back issues) that unless it’s s a chronic issue, our bodies usually improve even despite all our thinking to the contrary. The body can also evolve on its own path through aging.
So too, in painting, in the same light it’s easy for me to see problems or inabilities, way down the line in the studio from today's perspective, and in fact, like the human body, it too will be different, better even. In other words, since childhood, I have been wired into a perspective about my future set in concrete from today's perspective.
Phewww..
And being a painter forces me to see the same motif in a different way each time I go out to work as long as I don't I fall into working from a concept. This is always dangerous place for an artist of any kind.
In my own life I have seen how concepts (ingrained choices, voluntary or involuntary) have left me stuck in holding patterns like the proverbial tire being stuck in mud, spinning, but going nowhere, only just deeper.
What if I lived my life without concepts? What would it truly be like?
Like many, I've read about those wise guys from in the East who tended their gardens moment after moment, trimming one plant at a time, all the while Thich Nhat Hanh, the Buddhist monk, famously nibbled on a precious cookie that his mother (in his precious childhood memory), gave him to him after a trip to the market each week. He prolonged his bliss of small bites between the clouds passing overhead and the wind nudged the palm fronds around him.
He shows the way to be in the moment, whatever it is, eating a cookie or painting a picture.
At my age now, all the concepts (like expectations) that have hung in my sky like cloud castles seem to be collapsing. I am living my life today with full acceptance of all the horse shit on the road that was I've navigated in order to to get me here to this present moment.
I used to try 'to force my life' to resemble the template, this photo I had created long ago in the darkroom of my childhood. It was really impossible and bent me out of shape. No wonder I used to have back problems.
But bit by bit, with age, it diminishes, and the present takes over just like watching a negative transform into a photograph after bathing it a short while in the solution of the darkroom.
What is the solution? What is that thing that transforms the negative into a positive?
So now, after all this talk, I've finally decided to share this painting from the other night.
28 August 2023
Léo and Aix
Here is a small piece I wrote for the Léo Marchutz School in Aix-en-Provence which had asked me to participate in their monthly series. Included at the end is a selection of paintings from 1973 - 2023 to compliment the text.
Léo Marchutz and my arrival in France
I was unusually fortunate to meet my teacher Léo Marchutz when I arrived at the IAU during my third year of University in 1972. This was an event that changed my life.Léo was teaching painting to students at the American Institute once or twice a week. I began attending his classes and soon enough it became a kind of personal apprenticeship, more 19th, than 20th century style than what I had been used to at art school. After my first year in Aix I made the decision not to return to finish my art degree in America but to stay and study with Léo.After all the contempt I felt for art school, which I eventually fled after two years in order to get to France, here in front of me was an artist who was guiding me into painting through the history of art. I was young with a whole life in front of me and like all great events in one's life, they arrive as improbable surprises. I took a small apartment in the Châteaunoir then France became my home.By this time I was seeing Leo every day. I would arrive for tea with Barbara, his wife, then Léo would usher me into his studio where he showed me what he was working on. Sometimes I showed him what I had been doing but mostly I asked questions and he responded, this became the model for our relationship. This amazing chapter of my life lasted until his death in 1976.Though I cannot imagine that Leo would like some of my work today, I owe him everything. I only speak for myself, but I think one’s teacher, like one’s parent, needs to be left behind, loved and never forgotten, but no longer in the studio. One has learned everything one needs to learn and one must cut one’s own way into the world of painting. Unlike so many teachers, it was never all about him, he simply pointed his students back to the masters. Léo was the beacon, not the statue.I am still a fan of the Léo Marchutz School in whatever iteration. I went to the first one when Billy, Sam and Leo had decided to make a go of it away from the IAU. Amos Booth and Francois de Asis were also instrumental but they remained behind the scenes. I met John that year (1974) and some time later Alan turned up. Remarkably, through all its forms, the Marchutz experience has survived. This is almost completely due to John and Alan who have ridden out so many storms over the past few decades to keep it going sometimes against great odds. They slowly transformed the early somewhat improvised format which Billy, Sam and Leo had begun, tweaking it a little here and there, to satisfy an upgrade to the University system that demanded a coherent academic curriculum. But they are not the only ones, there is a whole crew who has come and gone over the years and I imagine they are also still as much a part of this family as I have been.
Australia, and some improvised notes on both my studio work and the series Evening Prayers Brunswick Heads.Today, I live in Australia where I came about ten years ago to the North Coast of New South Wales. It’s a sleepy town full of surfers, hippies, new agers, and the odd film star.For the past six years I have been making studies at the beach at dusk. They represent a visual diary of my evening sessions entitled 'Evening Prayers Brunswick Heads’.Many years ago I had seen the photographs of Hiroshi Sugimoto who spent years traveling around the world making large black and white studies of the horizon line almost cutting the image in half. He used an 8 X 10 camera often with long exposures during all kinds of weather and in all seasons. I was deeply moved by these things.And although prior to seeing his series, I had never been fond of black and white photography, but in his case, I was taken aback by these painterly nuances in black, white, and a multitude of greys.Though his images were the inspiration for my own series, I wished only to explore this horizon line in colour using oil paints. Painting at dusk provided me with the colour I desired. While his photos were created using a long exposure, my pictures on the other hand, are made with lightning speed.I call it a series now, but when I began, I had no idea that it would become such a project. I simply wanted to get back outdoors again to have some fun and mix colours in the sunlight. I had been working in the studio for many years where the creative process is different. But I needed to change things up so I began going out to the beach towards dusk and making these small studies. Today, I now practice two Painting forms simultaneously, one complementing the other, one in the studio, the other, in front of the motif outdoors. They both bring great satisfaction to me and speak to different corners of my curiosity.Although in this exploration at the beach I had not initially foreseen it to be a 'site specific’ series, one which generally means that the artist alters the site in question, but in the end however, it turned into one by means of repetition. And unlike most artistic 'site' projects, in this case, the work proceeded the idea, not the other way around. And though I haven’t altered the site, it is I who has been altered by it.Throughout this time my work process has varied considerably. At certain moments I appear to be more concerned with the graphic unity of the surface while at others I am simply seduced by the sensual nature of the oil paint. But always, I am looking at colour’s ability to simultaneously push and pull the drawing of the image both forward and backwards into the surface of the picture plane but never am I interested in this approach solely for its own sake. Because the motif is so inherently abstract, being just the sea and sky (for I never use the beach as a traditional means to illustrate a traditional foreground), I use colour as the principal vehicle with which to push the foreground backwards into the painting while at the same time bringing the background forward up to the surface. This is for me one of the greatest lessons from Cezanne, who in the 19th century, single-handily ushered us into the era of truly Modern Painting by demolishing perspective and breaking down distance, for better and alas, worse. Matisse, whose work I came to love, went even further down this path eventually turning the Painting world upside down.During these years I’ve made lots of studies, and after much failure, I’ve learned a great deal too while also growing into the ‘motif’. I’m always looking for the pictorial resolution for them because each picture has its own illusive logic. I’m interested in the unity of the whole surface, the formal integrity of each painting, the drawing and colour being at its essence. But consequently, these studies might appear scruffy, sloppy and unfinished because I'm certainly more Expressionist than Impressionist. But personally, I like all these spontaneous and accidental elements in my own work, and in others too. It’s a matter of taste.As each picture can be so different from one day to the next, I too, am quite different. Somedays I'm joyful, sometimes not, maybe tired and a little grumpy, with a mind full of problems, real or imagined, but because I go out there as a habit to work, Nature has always opened up to me regardless of my state of mind, and as a result, I am always changed by the painting process, and it’s for this reason, more than any others, why I still go out there to work. As my friend, Francois de Asis has always assured me, “When one paints, one lives better”.I realised that I needed to work on a small scale in order to capture so much change, so quickly at this twilight hour. So thus, I settled on two small convenient board sizes. Working small, as all landscape painters know, keeps the process simple and within reach. There is also a special kind of beauty in a small oil painting.These studies also opened me up again to exploring the expansive myriad of grey tones that cycle through the colour wheel while lighting up a whole variety of nuances at the dusk hour. And what surprises me when I take a few steps backward to view the oeuvre as a whole, it's that most of the paintings, though they obviously share my fingerprints, they all appear to manifestly look so vastly different from one to the other. But then, weather can dictate so much of this.I have enclosed a selection of work that will hopefully reveal who I am as a painter starting with a few early things, up to the beach paintings (in chronological order), then some of the large non-objection paintings done in the studio. These latter things perhaps deserve an explanation but I would need much more space here than has been allotted to me.I’ve never been crazy about American Expressionism though for many years I’ve earnestly tried hard to be. But because I'm a romantic, I've always dreamt of a way I could possibly marry Expressionism to Nature. I wish I could re-phrase this by saying that I desired to reunite them back together again, but the truth is that American Expressionism was never attached to Nature to begin with.Somehow, the American Expressionists missed the boat when they lost sight of the light. Not all, some of the time, but many of them, all the time. A shame, it’s a shame because in their quixotic crusade to make something completely new in American painting, the essence of Chiaroscuro was lost. (And anyway, their ‘abstraction’ couldn’t hold a candle to Turner’s late watercolours which had already achieved this in Britain more than a century earlier).They broke down painting without possessing the means to rebuild it anew. Maybe this is some kind of American 'thing' because we seem to do this all over the place, all of the time. Who knows, but again, it's a shame because by trying to paint quickly and spontaneously, they were really onto something important. And breaking things down can be a good thing too if one knows how to replace them with something better, however different.Many of my Evening Prayers have been moving towards a flat and graphic disposition. I like that. When I compress the motif down to just a few horizontal stripes of subtle colour that feel true to Nature, a small bell rings inside me. This is weird, but good. Personally, it's where my compass always wants to point, a place where I feel good inside.I bring all this back to my own desire to see the motif as if for the very first time, each time, wave after wave, and day after day. This means approaching the motif quickly, seizing it, and subduing it with experience and craft. By working this way I’m able to avoid a sentimental view of Nature, something I deplore in painting. This isn’t a recipe for everyone, it a way I discovered for myself because I am an anxious person, and in this series, I need a colourful frenzy at the end of the day to find peace.But again, it was Léo, who found a way into the motif through his own very abstract means of drawing and who subsequently passed it on to us all. In this, Léo was also a sign post.In summary, I had originally imagined that this project was about colour but to my surprise, I discovered it was really about light, without which, there can be no real colour. And because the drawing is fairly easy, without complications, I could really focus on colour. So now, when I get out there to paint it feels a little like I’m getting into a Google self-driving car because I have so few concerns about anything else except to enjoy the ride. After all, I'm just seeing, and mixing colour.
Evening Prayer 30 January 2018 oil on canvas board 25 X 20 cm
Evening Prayer 20 May 2018 oil on canvas board 30 X 25 cm
Evening Prayer 23 December 2019 oil on canvas board 30 X 25 cm
Evening Prayer 16 April 2020 oil on canvas board 30 X 25 cm
Evening Prayer 2 April 2022 oil on canvas board 30 X 25 cm
Evening Prayer 26 June 2020 oil on canvas board 30 X 25 cm
Evening Prayer 8 July 2022 oil on canvas board 30 X 25 cm
Evening Prayer 28 July 2022 oil on canvas board 30 X 25 cm
Evening Prayer 25 May 2023 oil on canvas board 30 X 25 cm
Evening Prayer 23 June 2023 oil on canvas board 30 X 25 cm
Pacific, Myocum, 2002 oil on plywood 220 X 120cm
Nothing Special, Dieulefit, 2010 oil on canvas 150 X 150 cm
B.O.A.C. Myocum, 2020 oil on canvas 150 X 150 cm
Pan Am 2022 oil on plywood 220 X 120 cm
27 August 2023
Cunning and baffling!
Having COVID in your life is like living with lover who just wants to take you down at any moment and never wants the best for you. They will always attack your weak spots when you least expect it.
It’s cunning and baffling!
But my own experience with it after five weeks has now settled into a routine of abuse because she comes round my door everyday and I do expect to feel awful by the close of that day. By nightfall, when having yielded to her torments I take Advil.
Of course there are worst things in life than to be in the throws of this daily enigma of assault, there are lots of things, really, like living with any of my last girlfriends. So I don't complain but it is a pain in the neck, literally.
Somehow, I had imagined I would escape catching it, one of those lucky souls who are supremely healthy and better than everyone else, mais non!
I have not been out to work for over a month and that is not good for my mental health. I have missed some extraordinary skies too, which compounds my misery. I mean, it could have rained for three of those five weeks at least. But, hey, you can't screw with nature, or your own body for that matter.
But as I've learned in life after so many misadventures, this is but a TODAY problem, not a TOMORROW problem. Today is today while Tomorrow will be tomorrow, so I'll deal with just today. And anyway, looking up at such painterly skies, I'm always reminded that there will be are many more tomorrows to come, so just chill, says my guardian angel whom I call Grace and who has the voice of Wilma Flintstone. Like waves on the Pacific, these evening skies will keep coming for years and years. "Where's the problem?", she asks?
I have done so little recent work but this one is from a month ago almost exactly. Honestly, it feels so long ago that I hardly recognise it. I think I didn't show it beforehand because I wasn't that crazy about it, but here it is anyway.
And truthfully, I don't really feel much for it, even though I cannot find anything specifically wrong with it. The drawing works, so so, and though the colour is a little 'damp' I cannot fault it too much.
I often play a game with myself when facing uncertainty and while trying to assess a new study I've done by imagining that it was not by me, but someone else. Somehow, I look for that space of neutrality where I can play pretend as if I were six years old again. But more about this another time, more to be revealed, as my friends say, about this wild exercise that I cannot imagine anyone else actually performing this for themselves. How many nuts can there be in a bag of coffee anyway?
But it then occurs to me that in this case, like for so much art everywhere, maybe the picture is just not that interesting? Indeed, as I look at it now, I could probably affirm that.
But this question of what is 'interesting' or not in Art, is an extremely important one. It is one of the most essential elements of an art work, after all who cares if it's any good if it is not interesting? But there is the rub, the really crucial one; It's because it concerns our personal interest, and that is about all we ever have to invest in anything. So when it comes to something like Painting, it's right up there with how we see and find other humans too. What makes someone interesting? This is a difficult and deeply personal question too. What I think it comes down to in this regard is whether or not the 'person' in question, possesses for us something truly original, whether we like them or not. As the French will say about someone special (like when the son in Paris introduces his new girlfriend to the parents, and they are consequently asked by their friends about her.
"Est-ce-qu'elle brille?" ("Is she extraordinary?")
What they mean is, is she bright, witty, charming, attractive and clever? And b.t.w, none of these adjectives by themselves would define the verb Briller, but taken together in English, they might come close.
There are many 'great' pictures out there in today's world, ones highly esteemed by many in the Museum world, etc, etc, which quite frankly, just bore me. How else can I put it? Many of my own paintings can also bore me to death, mercilessly so (because I am the author) they are not unlike boring dates, or spouses even, yet nonetheless it's painfully hard to get rid of them.
My criteria for an image (any sort of image, photo, collage, painting, etc, etc) is that they be visually and pictorially interesting. It's completely personnel, and I believe it's the same for everyone else too. We like what we like for a whole world of reasons. If we didn't, we'd be snails, not the people eating them.
23 August 2023
prémonitoire
19 August 2023
On a hawk's wing
I wish I knew where I clipped this from, and from whom, but it certainly makes sense. I noticed that I too, bypass most galleries and almost exclusively go to museums when in cities.