5 August 2024
Evening Prayer Brunswick Heads, 1 August 2024, oil on canvas board, 30 X 25 cm
I’ve just finished Tolstoy's The Death of Ivan Ilyich which I had last read some fifty years ago in high school. Even if I appreciated it then, today, it has had a more profound effect upon me than it did when I was so young.
Already, I have so many reflections about it this time around. I was seventeen when I first read it and now I find myself older than was even the poor dying Ivan Ilyich whose last few months Tolstoy chronicled with the attention of an ER nurse. In those days people seemed to age quicker than we do now because evidently the bourgeoisie ate, drank and smoked way too much so naturally, it wasn’t a great life style choice. Unlike the late 19th century, today’s wealthy elite is inversely slimmer than the bankers of that era. Like in Thomas Mann’s Buddenbrooks, it also paints a picture of too much food and drink and enough yoga and aerobics to keep the burgermeister crowd from their early demise.
Re-reading it today has naturally filled me with newer reflections about life and art. How have I lived these past fifty years, given to me so freely, I suddenly ask myself.
How one lives one’s life and the consequences of a having purpose or not, are great themes in Art. Like Ivan Ilyich, many of us spend our lives pursuing empty dreams, while others, who may have dreams, seem to be too sleepy to pursue them. But there are still others, whose dreams are as strong as their resolve.
Many of us in fortunate nations are lucky today to live in an era like our own because it is a great moment for both doers and dreamers. People, in most countries, both rich and poor, are going after their dreams and adventures around the world with more ease than ever before. The globe has never been more porous for such things. I think it’s great time to be alive for those who pursue their dreams and have the discipline to make them real in spite of economic disadvantage.
“Youth is wasted on the young” goes the cliché, but I’ve changed my opinion on that one. Today, with more information at our fingertips than ever before, I’ve read about so many gifted young people around the globe; musicians, writers, environmentalists, etc, etc,,, who are grabbing this life firmly with both hands and jumping off the starting line with vigour and determination. So just because many of the rest of us didn’t, it doesn’t mean that many others didn't, and still don’t. Maybe some were lucky enough to have had super-cool parents who loved them and inspired them to flourish very early on. Maybe some intrepid youngsters were just born for a surprising life and even knew it from an early age. Either way, when an old geezer spouts that old cliché about youth being wasted on the young, run away from them as fast as your legs can carry you because it just means that they wasted their own youth. I know this from experience.
I came to Painting early but that doesn’t mean that I preservered at it from the get-go. I lived in a dream world that prevented me from taking anything too seriously, even my own talents. Of course, I couldn’t know this at the time because like they say, denial isn’t just a river in Egypt. It took me decades to settle down, but you know what? It wasn’t that I suddenly got enlightened and instantly got to work, I had to first get sober, then gradually allow this creative juice to slowly bring me up to the surface again. But this was just my story, one of billions on this earth, one of little real meaning to anyone else but myself. Tolstoy's great truth is that lots of us are still Ivan Ilyich for a whole variety of reasons no matter what our age.
All this has a personal resonance for me because deep down inside me, making art has somehow in this impoverished world of suffering and cruelty, it has always seemed like a selfish indulgent activity. My real problem was that I projected my disdain upon Art, something I really did love and had a feeling for and sadly, I secretly went through most of my life feeling this way. It was carried inside me like an early ailment, like polio or the plague.
That I was suddenly healed of this craziness still amazes me today because I see that I might never have changed had I not got sober. My life was like an airplane that takes off in a rainstorm but climbs into a clear blue sky.
And like millions of other readers, I too, am a huge fan of everything Tolstoy ever wrote. Like a magician he transports me with ease from one drama to the next within just a few paragraphs. And like a screenwriter, he moves me steadily from one place to the next, sentence by sentence. His style is clear cut, almost impersonal but then I guess it depends upon the translator. He seemed to frame his wisdom in dead-pan, like a cop, “just the facts ma’am”, when a witness jabbered on too long. And this style I've always associated with Cezanne’s late pictures because if there was one painter who approached Tolstoy with that same cold, dispassionate truth, it was Paul Cezanne.
Cezanne, like any competent painter, told us a stories. No matter what the abstracted means or language he uses to construct it, it's still a visual story that must convey something to the viewer. Is it a feeling or a just an idea? Or is it both? We judge it by its craft but also by its inherent vision. A great story, poorly told either in words or through paint, will still be unsuccessful no matter the spin put upon it by galleries or curators.
Cezanne's late paintings around Aix tell us stories with the same regular efficiency of Tolstoy’s Swiss watch, only bigger, with more levers, buttons, and brushstrokes. Yet all the tiny components move at a steady Swiss pace towards a synchronised surface plane composed of small colourful splotches of paint placed exactly where they ought to be. Suddenly I’m reminded of summer evenings in Provence when insects keep the air circulating in a constant buzzy motion.
Why all this comes up for me today? Perhaps it's the reminder that all great work, either on a page or a canvas; indeed any creative act, is always about relationships. I guess it's one of the most important lessons I learned from Cezanne and Tolstoy, but also my teacher Leo Marchutz.
Come to think of it, this picture (above) from four nights ago, would never have been painted had I not spent a lot of time looking and thinking about Cezanne. Funny enough today, I rarely ever look at his work anymore. Sure, once in a while, there are a few pictures that can still hold me spellbound, but none of his books are hanging around on my coffee table anymore. And yet, I’m still aware that his legacy, among other things, is about light, and this fashioned me into the painter I have become for better or worse. And it’s true that I can still go on about him the way many young people go on about Taylor Swift. I think also, that for me in this series at Brunswick Heads, he is still as foundational as Latin is to French, Italian, and Spanish.
So, lucky for me, it was a magnificent bloom the other night, but callously cold as well. I was underdressed and I appropriately froze out on the empty dune. And yet, I was happy and cold all together.
This evening sky gave me a gentle and soothing light that eased its way into the sea, expanding everywhere all at once. The entire surface sparkled with tiny fragments of light before vanishing. These are after all, wondrous winter skies that can make a painter crazy with delight.
Now, looking at it a few days later, I see a happiness in it that surprises me. It may sound corny, but honestly, it seems like the earth is always looking out for any reason to express joy. Is it because it knows how hard it is for many of its inhabitants to live upon it?